A True Judgement!

This has just come via email from a friend.  I love it and I do so hope it's true.

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

In Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy

days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against

Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was

that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was

brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by

the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"  The

lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, How

can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter

and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client

and all other atheists have no such holidays..." The judge leaned forward

in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully

ignorant."  The lawyer said, " Your Honor, we are unaware of any special

observance or holiday for atheists."  The judge said, "The calendar says

April 1st is April Fool's day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his

heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if

your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st

is his day.  Court is adjourned..."

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

PIOUS THOUGHTS, or not ??

SMART ASS
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over
and help him.. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less.

NOW ...........

Enough of that ............. The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock..


MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

clipart from http://www.carouselgardens.net/clipart

LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU

Inner Peace

 

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said that to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more "calm" in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bodle of Vodka, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.

 

WHERE I HAVE AND HAVE NOT BEEN

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can't go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there.  I have, however, been in Sane.  They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work..
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.  I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.  One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense!  It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

But one place I don’t ever want to be is in Continent.

Have a nice day!

COMPARING THE PRICE OF PETROL

Thanks to my friend S who sent me this.

THIS WILL MAKE YOU THINK! Compared with Petrol...... Think a gallon of petrol is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective. Diet Apple Juice 16 oz £1.29 ........... £10.32 per gallon. Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz £1.19 ........... £9.52 per gallon. Ocean Spray 16 oz £1.25 ............ £10.00 per gallon. Brake Fluid 12 oz £3.15 ............. £33.60 per gallon. Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz £8.35 ........ £178..13 per gallon. Pepto Bismol 4 oz £3.85 ........... £123.20 per gallon. Tippex (White out)7 oz £1.39 .......................... £5.42 per gallon. And this is the REAL KICKER. Evian water 9 oz £1.49 ……….. £21.19 per gallon. £21.19 for WATER and the buyers don’t even know the source. (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.) You don’t even want to compare it with perfume or after shave. Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at ................. (you won’t believe it .... but it is true .......) £5,200 per gal ... (five thousand two hundred pounds) So, the next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run on water, or Tippex, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or, worst of all Printer Ink! Just a little humour to help ease the pain of your next trip to the petrol pump. And If you don’t pass this link along to at least one person, your exhaust will fall off!!

Issued on behalf of OPEC